i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
