I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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