I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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