When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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