Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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