You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
