Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
