can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
