Your mouth is God's brothel.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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