the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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