I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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