hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
