If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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