If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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