we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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