This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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