I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
