I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
