drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
