Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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