A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
