Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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