Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
