That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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