So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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