Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
