Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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