you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
