I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
