I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
