she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've blown a few things in my day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You took a bar mat shot.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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