There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
