You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize