you guys were way drunker than both of me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I FOUND THE LEGS
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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