her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
