Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
