apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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