At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
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she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
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Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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