Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
