I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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