Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
