You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
