I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
