you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
