I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
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