Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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