Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
