Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
