please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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