I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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