end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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