hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
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Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
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What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
my poor anus
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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