Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
too bad you live with your parents still
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
